She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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