Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize