I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
