there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
