Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
