I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
