Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
