Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
