I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
