some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
