I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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