Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
