Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
