...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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