what day is it and did you see me today?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
