when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
