she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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