I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm passing your future prison.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
