weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
