Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
