I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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