Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
