just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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