I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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