he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
