Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just pynch a tree in the face
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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