Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
