"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
