I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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