Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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