At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
