Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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