you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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