In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
