John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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