Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
