just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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