Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
