My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
