is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
