Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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