I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
