Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
