Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
