A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
