I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
please come you make the beer taste better
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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