I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
