Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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