A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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