so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
