hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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