I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
