Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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