You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She bit a glass in half.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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