You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
