She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
