How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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