just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
