My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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