So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
