Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
