omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
do herpes really smell.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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