May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
