my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
