He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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