just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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