maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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