A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads