Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.