"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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