Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
