Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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