New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
