remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
