Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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