Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
