I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
