Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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