he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
