I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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